Carefully laid out plans

Last week I just came back from a ladies conference that I spoke at with my friend Taffy, based on the book, "Captivating" by John and Stassi Eldridge. This book, and more importantly, the conference has changed the lives of many women across the globe. So, when Taffy asked me, "Do you want to help me lead a conference?" I had to stop in my tracks and ask myself, "Is God leading me here?" After a few weeks of prayer, God said yes, and I began a journey that would be worth the fight to see the end result. It was not an easy battle. You see, the enemy does not want women to be free from their wounds, and see a glimpse of how God truly see them, or even have the tools to fight off the lies of the enemy. So, me and Taffy were hit hard, by the lies ourself. "You can do this, you are too proud, you are not good enough, you don't know what you are talking about, they aren't going to like you, you aren't even a speaker, this is going to mess up your family, you might lose friends in doing this..." and on and on the lies went. But, we soldered on. God brought us again back to our own journeys, and showed us where we still needed to grow in our faith, and in our relationship. He loved on us, He reminded us of our true character, and how He created us. He healed more wounds, and He prepared us for the weekend that I will never forget. Taffy picked me up at 10am at the airport and we rushed back to her place to finish up loading our "essetials". But, little to our knowledge, she grabbed the wrong computer...with all the media we can carefully and prayerfully planned out. LORD! We need a computer fast! He delivered. As I prayed in each cabin room He started to reveal the hearts of the beautiful women that were soon to arrive. My heart broke, but I was amazed at how He was already preparing me to pray for them. It was a mad scrabble before the first meeting of that day, but by 3:30p Taffy started on her first message, The Heart of a Women. I could see some of the women resistant (I am sure fighting some of the lies we had in the coming weeks). I sensed a desire, so want more, that they were fed up of how things were, and fear of if God was really going to show up, and somewhat of a hopelessness. But, God was there, and all through the weekend He continued to show us, "I've got it". He had us, He had them, He carried us all. As the weekend unfolded, our "perfect plan" was changed, added too, switched around, to become God's perfectly laid out plan. The women opened up, they started to trust, they brought their pain and their tears and their fears to God, and I was overwhelmed by God's power and His blessings. I left that retreat not only in a state of utter amazement for the God of the universe, but also with 15 new strings of friends attached to my heart. As I was driven out to the airport by 2 of my new friends, I didn't want to leave. God brought us close together, and Taffy and I couldn't believe that He brought us through this journey to be blessed beyond our belief. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=emYGrVrCv-g&feature=share&list=PLCA3DFA985FA05020

Are you ready to fight where you are called?

Joshua led the battle of Jericho. Now, if you are like me, growing up in the church, you will be humming that song before you even begin to read this. For those of you who did not, or maybe your church omitted this catchy tune, let me enlighten you. "Joshua let the battle of Jericho, Jericho, Jericho, Joshua let the battle of Jericho, and the walls came tumbling down!" There is so much in these passages, and I am finding myself more excited as I read on to the next chapter, even though I know how the story ends, or maybe because I do know how the story ends. I am facinated at the amount of redemption, even before they are ready to go out and fight. As I am have been preparing to speak at Captivating-I will not Be Moved conference, I have been asking God to lead me, in prayer, in decisions about the details, in guidance in the messages, and how to pray for the women who will be coming to open up their hearts to healing and a closer beautiful relationship to Him. Just yesterday I asked where I should be reading His word. I never know where to start, and I know His Word, but most often I know a paraphrase, or the scripture without the reference. So, this week I was happy to find God leading me to Joshua. His redemption is amazing. He blesses Joshua as the new leader, where the people will follow as they did Moses (even amidst their sin) He brings provision to the army, by providing them with a safe place in Rahab's place while they spy out the land, he gives them fresh produce from the land before He removes the mana. Rahab was given a second chance at life, and later in the scriptures she was called one who follows after God. She knew her redemption, and she turned her life around and praised the one who saved her. Often when I am facing a battle, I don't believe I am strong enough, but I forget that I don't have to be, because the one who gives me strength will also give me wings like an eagle to soar above the war zone. He will keep me safe, and He will armor me for anything that I have to face. I once heard from Beth Moore, a favorite author of mine, "If God isn't going to get you over this mountain, He's going to find you a way to get through it!" So, where are you packing your sticks of dynamite. If they are in God's hands, you have nothing to worry about.

My Gramma Pearl

I sit and reflect on my Grandmother of 92 years she sits in a hospital bed awaiting the decisions of her final days in this world, as many or as few as they may be. My grandmother has never been a "sitting" woman until these recent days. I look back on her bustling life, full of life and energy, spunk and laughter. She was a woman, who in her day was one of the few that decided to get an education and become a nurse, unlike some "lady-like" girls she played floor hockey, and married a handsome man in the the military. But, this is not the woman I grew up knowing, even though this was very much a part of her. She always had her hair neatly done, she loved cooking in the kitchen, and got her nails done every few weeks...like the other "ladies" did. But, my grandmother was more than this. I loved her passion in the kitchen. I remember many a day where she would be cooking a thanksgiving dinner and preparing as she called, the padadas (potatoes), and I would giggle and mock her until she said emphatically, "SPUDS!". But, she was always a good sport at being teased, even by her husband who would chase her around the house for a kiss. She would bat at him and tell him to act his age (no matter what that age was). But, all the while she was giggling with delight, because he loved her, and she loved it. We loved working along side her, especially us grandaughters, peeling apples for her famous apple pie that she still mastered up until just a few years ago when her sight was failing her and her legs were just too sore to stand. But, un until then she wouldn't sit. She would say, "Oh, I'm fine" when we would tell her we can clean up the kitchen. After all, she nearly prepared the dinner single handedly. I also admired her love for God, and for His word. She kept her "daily bread" box full of scriptures next to the breakfast table to read for the day. I loved reaching for the plastic bread container to pick the scripture for the day while looking out of their Singing Sands Rd. home out onto the ocean bay. Open Bibles, honey/peanut butter/jam container and oatmeal mornings sitting with my grandparents I felt full of love and sweetness. It was in my grandparents home that I learned to play the piano, the same one that sits in my living room today, where my boys are learning on their own, as I did. I used to watch my Grandmother play, while Grampa played on violin, and we sang along with the hymns that we grew to know as their favorites. Victory in Jesus! That was Gramma's favorites. She is so much more than just a lady, sitting now. She is a hand that has lead those to their own story with God, she was a light in the day of many who had no one and nothing as she sang to those who were not much older than her. She gave of her time and her hand knitting slippers and prayer shawls not just for her kids and grandkids, but for those in hospitals and those close to her heart. She loved huge, and her love will always remain in my heart, just as her gum remained in her purse. You could depend on it, it was always there.

Even though her life has slowed, her memories will continue and I hope to leave a smile on the many, like she has, touching lives, like she has, in the many years she continues to live.

The many gifts of love

Recently I pondered and struggled with the idea of reading the Bible. It's always been a struggle for me, as I have dyslexia. It was interesting to me when I shared with a group of ladies around me that struggled in the same area. Why do we feel the need to all be the same? Why is it that I compete to be the "better" Christian, when God has given me so much. I am different, and I love who I am, but I struggle with who I am not. When I think about it, it's hard to make sense of it. Do I really love who God created? Do I really love His gifts of music and dance that He has uniquely given me? I know I am not like other people, and God speaks to me in ways that others say they wish God would. But, I find myself thinking that I am not good enough, when really it not about how good I am, it's about who I am. I hear God through the trees, through the crackling fire, through dreams, through music, as He moves me into a dance with Him. These are His gifts to me. We all have different gifts. Some people have such a passion for reading God's word, and for those I know who are dear to me, that is how God speaks to them. But, would I trade His love and His whispers, would I trade His embrace in my dreams and my wonders? Not for a day, not for a chance to have what He hasn't given me...because He has given me everything I am.

The big move

Recently, I have been having dreams about moving. I am in a stranger's house, with my family. The owner isn't home, and I start to unpack my stuff. The house is for sale, and I want to give it a try it out before I move in. The only thing, is I didn't ask the owners, and my parents decide to join us. Needless to say, they weren't happy when they returned to find us practically moved in. The funny part is (in real life this would NOT have been funny) it happened 3 times before we evacuated. I left deflated. I knew I really wanted that house, but it just wasn't mine, and I was sure they wouldn't let us buy it then. Strange right?!? The next night, I was packing all sorts of things into my car, and trying to add a kitten in, and was quite concerned with where I would put the litter box. This one wasn't as confusing to me. I really want a cat, but in my already crowded life, it just doesn't fit. My husband and I have even talked about where the litter box should go, and we aren't sure. So, in my curiousity, I decided to google what my dreams meant. It ranged from needing change, to something in my life changing right now. I know that I am in a cycle of my life that isn't the best situation, but I haven't been battling it. I know I do want change, for my husband's business to take off, for us to have another baby, or for us to be foster respite parents, for me to have to opportunity to be more involved in women's ministry, for me to be able to visit my boys in their classrooms and volunteer. But, the real question I think I need to be asking is where is my hearts next big move...where is God calling me to be right now. It's not what I should do, its where I fit in, it's where He will chose to shine my glory. It's not my move, its His.

I do...all over again

I recently celebrated my 10 year anniversary by renewing my vows with my husband. It was a wonderful celebration, and it really meant a great deal for us. This in not only a milestone, this is the first time I have truely understood my vows, and been excited to share them with my husband in our "new found" love. Our marriage hasn't been easy...it's like any other marriage. You have your ups and downs, your power struggles, and your good years and not so good years. The last 3 years have been amazing...far beyond what we had ever imagined. You see, God got a hold of our hearts...He took a genuine interest in healing our wounds. He was waiting to free us, to heal us...to bring us closer together. It started by taking my husbands job away, then giving me a full time job to take care of most of the bills. This was a hard change for both of us...but God has provided. It gave us both a chance to reflect and look back at some of the hard times we've had in our lives...our heart wounds. We expressed this in our vows. Family life was difficult for my husband growing up and his Dad was never there for him. God waited for my husbands heart, and he gave it 20 years ago. God also became his Dad in these last few years. He showed him He is proud of him, He is there for him, He hears him. This has given tremendous healing for my husband, and he continues to grow in his heart and grow in love. I have received the benefits from this love. He stands up for me, he sees my beauty, he cares for my pain. He is learning he has what it takes. Working, when I wanted to be home with my kids, was a difficult transition. Here also, God had a plan. He brought me to a place where I remembered my heart wounds, the accident of my father, and the pain of struggling through school without his support and dealing with my dyslexia alone. God met me there. I realized I had believed all along, that I was alone in that time in my life...but God was right there waiting for me to reach out. I finally did, I finally trusted Him, and my husband benefited from this as well. I didn't expect so much from him...I was fully satified by my God. Every way that my husband had loved before I had missed...now I see it, and he sees how I love him...and we love each other all the more.

So, these vows we told in front of our family and friends meant much more than words. I married my man all over again, and I truely know that in my lover I have found my friend. I would do it all over again.

Two pockets full of peas

Well, gardening season is coming to an end, and I am still hoping for an indian summer. But, some of my plants just won't survive this early Fall. My tomatoes are still small and green with only a few turning orange, and only one of my corn stalks will produce corn...it seems. All in all, I should have planted earlier, but other "life" got in the way. Today I pulled out my peas as I noticed all the new flowers keep shrivelling up after they bloom. A sad thing to say the least, but I pick what's left and reach for the shears to take them down. As I am pulling I notice more and more peas that were waiting to be picked. Just sitting plump and ready to be eaten. Waiting to be chosen. There! All done. I proceed to pile them into a pile, along with all the string that held them to the sun.....and more peas. By this time I knew God was just showing off. Okay, God, I get it...You provide. Even when we feel like it's not going to happen, that God isn't going to come through, He has it all planned out. It's not over, and even amidst something that seems to have no life, He brings fruit...or vegetables...our way. At the end of my duty I had filled my two pockets so full of peas I couldn't bend over any more without crushing them. I walked bulledded into my home with thanks on my heart and a smile on my face.

So, when you feel that all is spent, and there's nothing left to find; check your pockets full of peas and enjoy all His surprises.