Rearview Mirror

Just the other day I was looking in my rearview mirror at my two boys (now 5 and 7) singing Christmas carols (to their own words) in the  middle of January mind you. Of course, they started in July, it's a year round thing. Something about that Jingle Bell song and all it's possibilities. I had to laugh at them, and I took a mental picture of how they look now. My oldests teethless grin, my youngest bobbing head. My heart melts for love for them. I looked back and I saw the first baby seat with my first born sleeping away as an infant, or playing with his car seat toys. My husband sees me sitting there trying to soothe him, or give him his bottle. I see a second seat with you youngest, and my almost 2 year old rubbing his head with love and singing him his ABC's. I see them crying because they are too tired, too hungry and beyond themselves, and my love overflows for them. I see "blankies" and pillow pets, travel toys and Gramma squished between two large car seats. I see them listening so well as we travel across the country to settle out west, and I see them far beyond reason fighting and crying at each other, and wishing that moment would end. I see them showing me their first art project, their craft from school, or their loose tooth. I see them seeing me for the first time and showing a sense of comfort knowing that I am right there if they need me. I see so much and so many memories that I hold the photos in my mind, ones I don't want to let go of.

I've often heard, don't look back, don't let the past keep you from moving on to the future, and I only partially agree with this statement. Sometimes we can be so stuck in the past, that we relive the pain of our memories and don't move on. We continue to regret, or "beat up" on ourselves, or we grieve the final outcome. I agree, we don't want to keep living there. We can move on into freedom, if we take the past, and allow God to tell us His truth in those situations, realizing that He was there and we is offering to take the pain, to heal the unforgiveness, to hold you and tell you that you were never alone and He is still right here. If we take the past and let Him enter there, we know we can take a step forward with courage. Time doesn't heal all wounds, only God heals them. So, yes, we do need to look back, but not to stay there, to learn from there. On the other hand it is so good to remember the good things, too look back on our lives (like I have been in my rearview mirror lately) and be thankful for the moments that we have had where God has shown His blessings.

So, whether you are looking in the rearview mirror at a painful memory, or one filled with laughter and love, remember, God is there and He is also lighting the way so you don't have to figure it out or know where you are going. He'll show you, and He is in the reflection.

God's icing on the cake

I love snow! I don't like driving in it, or being behind someone who is scared to death of the fluffy little flakes, but I love to watch as rains from the sky and powders the ground as it falls. It's one more way that God shows us He loves us. White beauty and turns the picture window into a framed winter wonderland. Just to watch it lightly stick on the trees and change them white is a wonder in itself. But, God didn't just intend us to watch from our window. He created it for an adventure. Doesn't that just show how He really is, He wants us to have fun and slide down the slopes, ski through the trees and we watch our breath float away like a cloud and see the blue sky as we swish by. Our God is an adventurous God, He has so much to offer us if we just take on the challenge, the risk of putting on our coat and leaving our view at the window. I also love how each snowflake pattern is unique to its own. It's how He makes everything, including us. We are all unique snowflakes. So, even if we can't move, or slide down the slopes, just to go outside and hold out our woolen mitten and catch a wonder, we can admire His craftsmanship. My kids can't wait to go outside when it snows. My oldest will automatically start a ball and roll it around the yard to the point where all you can see is half grass and a small snowman (shorter than the 8yr. old stature he is). They giggle with delight at the 1-2 inches that fall (in the Northwest it doesn't offen accumulate). I am sure God watches us admire what He has created and chuckles at our delight. Doesn't a father love to watch his children play? I believe our God does. I hope you play today, even if not out in the snow, simply inside your heart, and open your eyes to His wonderment, whatever it might be.

Another year? Or just another day.

Every year, we come to the same place and evaluate our lives. How is the scale, how is my diet, did I exercise enough this year, am I doing what I really want to be doing with my life? Why do we ask these questions? It's not that I am trying to be cynical, I am just wondering if it's really worth it to look at ourselves if we just notice we are falling short of what we expected the following January. I don't make resolutions, it's not that I am afraid I am not going to keep them, I know I am not going to keep them...unless I resolve that I will continue to eat chocolate! I do however evaluate my life and wait in wonder to what exciting new things will happen this year. Then I have to think, how am I going to get there? It's also a time of refection and prayer, where are you leading me God? Will I be taking on too much, or not enough? Am I being the woman that you've designed me to be, or am I just "doing". I have to look at all the things that I am involved in and really ask myself, am I continuing to serve the purpose, the passion that I had in the first place, or is my purpose here done? I realized that one group that I have been involved in, so dear to my heart, has completed it's purpose, and as I look into the new year I can see that the last year has been amazing, but my time is done. It makes me wonder, does God have another purpose for me in some other way, or does he want me to take this time to just rest. Of course, I know, and those who know me, knows well that I don't "rest" much. Resting might look like only being involved in 3 groups that serve different purposes in my life, instead of 4. Either way, it's good, even if it's just a new day, that happens to be in a new year, to ask yourself the question, does my life reflect the purpose and passion that I was created to carry out? I don't think it matters if I am skinnier or less active this year than the last, although being healthy feels great, and I attain to that...but my desire is for my heart to be healthy, and my focus to be in the greater story, not the everyday. So, do you want to go workout? Or do you want to go live out. It's up to you.....every day.

Carefully laid out plans

Last week I just came back from a ladies conference that I spoke at with my friend Taffy, based on the book, "Captivating" by John and Stassi Eldridge. This book, and more importantly, the conference has changed the lives of many women across the globe. So, when Taffy asked me, "Do you want to help me lead a conference?" I had to stop in my tracks and ask myself, "Is God leading me here?" After a few weeks of prayer, God said yes, and I began a journey that would be worth the fight to see the end result. It was not an easy battle. You see, the enemy does not want women to be free from their wounds, and see a glimpse of how God truly see them, or even have the tools to fight off the lies of the enemy. So, me and Taffy were hit hard, by the lies ourself. "You can do this, you are too proud, you are not good enough, you don't know what you are talking about, they aren't going to like you, you aren't even a speaker, this is going to mess up your family, you might lose friends in doing this..." and on and on the lies went. But, we soldered on. God brought us again back to our own journeys, and showed us where we still needed to grow in our faith, and in our relationship. He loved on us, He reminded us of our true character, and how He created us. He healed more wounds, and He prepared us for the weekend that I will never forget. Taffy picked me up at 10am at the airport and we rushed back to her place to finish up loading our "essetials". But, little to our knowledge, she grabbed the wrong computer...with all the media we can carefully and prayerfully planned out. LORD! We need a computer fast! He delivered. As I prayed in each cabin room He started to reveal the hearts of the beautiful women that were soon to arrive. My heart broke, but I was amazed at how He was already preparing me to pray for them. It was a mad scrabble before the first meeting of that day, but by 3:30p Taffy started on her first message, The Heart of a Women. I could see some of the women resistant (I am sure fighting some of the lies we had in the coming weeks). I sensed a desire, so want more, that they were fed up of how things were, and fear of if God was really going to show up, and somewhat of a hopelessness. But, God was there, and all through the weekend He continued to show us, "I've got it". He had us, He had them, He carried us all. As the weekend unfolded, our "perfect plan" was changed, added too, switched around, to become God's perfectly laid out plan. The women opened up, they started to trust, they brought their pain and their tears and their fears to God, and I was overwhelmed by God's power and His blessings. I left that retreat not only in a state of utter amazement for the God of the universe, but also with 15 new strings of friends attached to my heart. As I was driven out to the airport by 2 of my new friends, I didn't want to leave. God brought us close together, and Taffy and I couldn't believe that He brought us through this journey to be blessed beyond our belief. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=emYGrVrCv-g&feature=share&list=PLCA3DFA985FA05020

Are you ready to fight where you are called?

Joshua led the battle of Jericho. Now, if you are like me, growing up in the church, you will be humming that song before you even begin to read this. For those of you who did not, or maybe your church omitted this catchy tune, let me enlighten you. "Joshua let the battle of Jericho, Jericho, Jericho, Joshua let the battle of Jericho, and the walls came tumbling down!" There is so much in these passages, and I am finding myself more excited as I read on to the next chapter, even though I know how the story ends, or maybe because I do know how the story ends. I am facinated at the amount of redemption, even before they are ready to go out and fight. As I am have been preparing to speak at Captivating-I will not Be Moved conference, I have been asking God to lead me, in prayer, in decisions about the details, in guidance in the messages, and how to pray for the women who will be coming to open up their hearts to healing and a closer beautiful relationship to Him. Just yesterday I asked where I should be reading His word. I never know where to start, and I know His Word, but most often I know a paraphrase, or the scripture without the reference. So, this week I was happy to find God leading me to Joshua. His redemption is amazing. He blesses Joshua as the new leader, where the people will follow as they did Moses (even amidst their sin) He brings provision to the army, by providing them with a safe place in Rahab's place while they spy out the land, he gives them fresh produce from the land before He removes the mana. Rahab was given a second chance at life, and later in the scriptures she was called one who follows after God. She knew her redemption, and she turned her life around and praised the one who saved her. Often when I am facing a battle, I don't believe I am strong enough, but I forget that I don't have to be, because the one who gives me strength will also give me wings like an eagle to soar above the war zone. He will keep me safe, and He will armor me for anything that I have to face. I once heard from Beth Moore, a favorite author of mine, "If God isn't going to get you over this mountain, He's going to find you a way to get through it!" So, where are you packing your sticks of dynamite. If they are in God's hands, you have nothing to worry about.

My Gramma Pearl

I sit and reflect on my Grandmother of 92 years she sits in a hospital bed awaiting the decisions of her final days in this world, as many or as few as they may be. My grandmother has never been a "sitting" woman until these recent days. I look back on her bustling life, full of life and energy, spunk and laughter. She was a woman, who in her day was one of the few that decided to get an education and become a nurse, unlike some "lady-like" girls she played floor hockey, and married a handsome man in the the military. But, this is not the woman I grew up knowing, even though this was very much a part of her. She always had her hair neatly done, she loved cooking in the kitchen, and got her nails done every few weeks...like the other "ladies" did. But, my grandmother was more than this. I loved her passion in the kitchen. I remember many a day where she would be cooking a thanksgiving dinner and preparing as she called, the padadas (potatoes), and I would giggle and mock her until she said emphatically, "SPUDS!". But, she was always a good sport at being teased, even by her husband who would chase her around the house for a kiss. She would bat at him and tell him to act his age (no matter what that age was). But, all the while she was giggling with delight, because he loved her, and she loved it. We loved working along side her, especially us grandaughters, peeling apples for her famous apple pie that she still mastered up until just a few years ago when her sight was failing her and her legs were just too sore to stand. But, un until then she wouldn't sit. She would say, "Oh, I'm fine" when we would tell her we can clean up the kitchen. After all, she nearly prepared the dinner single handedly. I also admired her love for God, and for His word. She kept her "daily bread" box full of scriptures next to the breakfast table to read for the day. I loved reaching for the plastic bread container to pick the scripture for the day while looking out of their Singing Sands Rd. home out onto the ocean bay. Open Bibles, honey/peanut butter/jam container and oatmeal mornings sitting with my grandparents I felt full of love and sweetness. It was in my grandparents home that I learned to play the piano, the same one that sits in my living room today, where my boys are learning on their own, as I did. I used to watch my Grandmother play, while Grampa played on violin, and we sang along with the hymns that we grew to know as their favorites. Victory in Jesus! That was Gramma's favorites. She is so much more than just a lady, sitting now. She is a hand that has lead those to their own story with God, she was a light in the day of many who had no one and nothing as she sang to those who were not much older than her. She gave of her time and her hand knitting slippers and prayer shawls not just for her kids and grandkids, but for those in hospitals and those close to her heart. She loved huge, and her love will always remain in my heart, just as her gum remained in her purse. You could depend on it, it was always there.

Even though her life has slowed, her memories will continue and I hope to leave a smile on the many, like she has, touching lives, like she has, in the many years she continues to live.

The many gifts of love

Recently I pondered and struggled with the idea of reading the Bible. It's always been a struggle for me, as I have dyslexia. It was interesting to me when I shared with a group of ladies around me that struggled in the same area. Why do we feel the need to all be the same? Why is it that I compete to be the "better" Christian, when God has given me so much. I am different, and I love who I am, but I struggle with who I am not. When I think about it, it's hard to make sense of it. Do I really love who God created? Do I really love His gifts of music and dance that He has uniquely given me? I know I am not like other people, and God speaks to me in ways that others say they wish God would. But, I find myself thinking that I am not good enough, when really it not about how good I am, it's about who I am. I hear God through the trees, through the crackling fire, through dreams, through music, as He moves me into a dance with Him. These are His gifts to me. We all have different gifts. Some people have such a passion for reading God's word, and for those I know who are dear to me, that is how God speaks to them. But, would I trade His love and His whispers, would I trade His embrace in my dreams and my wonders? Not for a day, not for a chance to have what He hasn't given me...because He has given me everything I am.