The big move

Recently, I have been having dreams about moving. I am in a stranger's house, with my family. The owner isn't home, and I start to unpack my stuff. The house is for sale, and I want to give it a try it out before I move in. The only thing, is I didn't ask the owners, and my parents decide to join us. Needless to say, they weren't happy when they returned to find us practically moved in. The funny part is (in real life this would NOT have been funny) it happened 3 times before we evacuated. I left deflated. I knew I really wanted that house, but it just wasn't mine, and I was sure they wouldn't let us buy it then. Strange right?!? The next night, I was packing all sorts of things into my car, and trying to add a kitten in, and was quite concerned with where I would put the litter box. This one wasn't as confusing to me. I really want a cat, but in my already crowded life, it just doesn't fit. My husband and I have even talked about where the litter box should go, and we aren't sure. So, in my curiousity, I decided to google what my dreams meant. It ranged from needing change, to something in my life changing right now. I know that I am in a cycle of my life that isn't the best situation, but I haven't been battling it. I know I do want change, for my husband's business to take off, for us to have another baby, or for us to be foster respite parents, for me to have to opportunity to be more involved in women's ministry, for me to be able to visit my boys in their classrooms and volunteer. But, the real question I think I need to be asking is where is my hearts next big move...where is God calling me to be right now. It's not what I should do, its where I fit in, it's where He will chose to shine my glory. It's not my move, its His.

I do...all over again

I recently celebrated my 10 year anniversary by renewing my vows with my husband. It was a wonderful celebration, and it really meant a great deal for us. This in not only a milestone, this is the first time I have truely understood my vows, and been excited to share them with my husband in our "new found" love. Our marriage hasn't been easy...it's like any other marriage. You have your ups and downs, your power struggles, and your good years and not so good years. The last 3 years have been amazing...far beyond what we had ever imagined. You see, God got a hold of our hearts...He took a genuine interest in healing our wounds. He was waiting to free us, to heal us...to bring us closer together. It started by taking my husbands job away, then giving me a full time job to take care of most of the bills. This was a hard change for both of us...but God has provided. It gave us both a chance to reflect and look back at some of the hard times we've had in our lives...our heart wounds. We expressed this in our vows. Family life was difficult for my husband growing up and his Dad was never there for him. God waited for my husbands heart, and he gave it 20 years ago. God also became his Dad in these last few years. He showed him He is proud of him, He is there for him, He hears him. This has given tremendous healing for my husband, and he continues to grow in his heart and grow in love. I have received the benefits from this love. He stands up for me, he sees my beauty, he cares for my pain. He is learning he has what it takes. Working, when I wanted to be home with my kids, was a difficult transition. Here also, God had a plan. He brought me to a place where I remembered my heart wounds, the accident of my father, and the pain of struggling through school without his support and dealing with my dyslexia alone. God met me there. I realized I had believed all along, that I was alone in that time in my life...but God was right there waiting for me to reach out. I finally did, I finally trusted Him, and my husband benefited from this as well. I didn't expect so much from him...I was fully satified by my God. Every way that my husband had loved before I had missed...now I see it, and he sees how I love him...and we love each other all the more.

So, these vows we told in front of our family and friends meant much more than words. I married my man all over again, and I truely know that in my lover I have found my friend. I would do it all over again.