No news is NOT good news

We have spent most of this summer driving to and from Seattle, and all for what?! No answers! I am so upset, and wondering why did we even try to fight this battle, or question anything when we are not any closer to receiving answers to help our son that we were before. No diagnosis. At least not yet. I sit in the neurologists office and he says based on what he sees (my son playing with the brother he's known all his life, his only unchanging thing) and doesn't see autism, but when he talks with me he thinks, maybe, and when he looks at the pattern of his development he says, yes. But all together he says, I don't know yet. So, we wait, yet again for a teacher to decide what he/she things. So frustrating! I am so tired, and so tired of people looking at me like there is nothing wrong and I have just made it up in my head. Then, we leave Seattle for the 4th time this month, and he has a meltdown, running in traffic, over a bee he THINKS he saw. No, there's nothing wrong at all. Come on! We proceed to go to his favorite food place (a phoo noodle one) and he freaks out because he found an onion!! One that fell out of his meatball, the ones he loves to eat, and all of the sudden his food in uneatable if there is such a word. Sure, he's completely acting like a 6 year old. What?!!? Don't even let me start into the fact that he had a full on meltdown at Fred Meyer for almost 10 minutes (we were getting meat cut, and very hungry so we waited) over being put in time out because of overreacting that there was nothing he could eat because it had wheat in it, then scraped his ankle which amplified his mouth and his tantrum. But, no worries, nothing to see here, it's just bad behavior, it's choices. All those things I am so tired of hearing, and I am just so tired that I don't even know if I have the fight in me to continue on this journey. Jesus is literally going to have to drag me the rest of the way. I don't give up on my son, no never, but people, I am giving up on you! Help me God to wait a little longer so that my son will have all he needs. Help me God. Help.