Living by myself

The hardest part about living with a man who has Aspergers is that everything he is feeling he thinks you are feeling too. It's not that they think you are experiencing the anxiety they are, they just think it will be fine if you let it go. All the accusations, all the blame, all the fears and problems, all gone after a good nights sleep. But, I am a neurotypical, and sometimes that is not the best thing in our world. I don't just let things go and forget all about it...darn that somewhat connected brain. I wish I could just sleep everything away, and be able to handle my day and make better decisions the next day, but I want it resolved, not remembered. I feel like I am living alone, or living a life that will never cause a wave of fear, but that is impossible, because I don't put fear there. I know it's not entirely the disorder, it's many things. A new change is coming, I will be out of town; I am planning things that could cause a fall; but I am also embarking on a new mission to get some time with God, and that's where the enemy comes in. He knows our weaknesses and where to attack, and he uses the marriage when all else fails because it hurts the most. The sad thing is, I can't reach my husband when it happens, as much as I try, and then I get angry for my failed efforts and his ignorance. I talk to him, but I am really talking to the enemy. Get away from my husband. I think it would be best offered up in a prayer: "God, my husband is only holding on to fear right now, and he's in the grip of an anxious hand, please prey it opened with your loving strength, and sooth his soul and calm his mind, cover him with Your blood, the blood that covers all fears, all pain, all sadness, all anxiousness. Give him a protection from the enemy and shield him from the arrows of the evil one. God give him a fresh spirit fill him a new, and fill me a new as well. I ask these things in Jesus name".

I know I am not living by myself, even though it feels like it sometimes, I always have my God, and He has me.